Have a look at the enclosed Tweet appearing on Huffpost 15 Jan. 13, by adoptee and therapist Lesli Johnson: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/lesli-johnson/adoption_b_2161590.html?ncid=edlinkusaolp00000003
This article acknowledges and articulates much of what may be glossed over in adoption — important implications for the child which need to be understood by an adoptive parent, loved-one, or potential parent, loved- one. It’s a must-read.
BEAM is concerned with the elimination of shame, in anyone it pertains to, who has done nothing to deserve it. This applies to adoptees. We take exception to the point that Ms. Johnson makes that information alone will help end shame. Even if we know our birth mothers and fathers cared for us, we may have long impatterned shame. This takes a different kind of work at a deeper dynamic.
Changing the life story of an adoptee is a good first step: changing the inner story of a person is the next step. How to do this is our investigation, and we offer tips along this process. Loving the self, no matter how trite sounding, is the process and accomplishing this takes dedication and patience. Try, try again!
BEAM is also concerned with handling children in a common sense, empathic way. This means, if an adopted child is balking at their birthday because it stirs up un-named memories, then we need to calm, soothe and reassure the child, not, as Ms. Johnson suggests, remind the child that this may be the day their birth parents made a decision to allow someone else to parent him or her. While intellectually, it may help to connect the day to information, in the end, a child needs a good, warm hug to help console her or him.
BEAM deals with transforming energy into positives: the resilience of an adoptee who is dealing with the pain of loss — be it known or unknown to him or her — can be enormous. Keep in mind this potential, whether you are or know an adoptee, a future fierce, determined and light filled force for life.